Catharsis

Remember the guy in high school that everyone wanted to be? He was usually the quarterback of the football team and had more friends than anyone else. He was dating the hottest girl in school, drove the nicest car, and got good grades because he convinced the smart kid to do his homework for him. That guy totally wasn't me.

No, I was the smart kid doing the quarterback's homework. I was the kid no one wanted to hang out with because I was into weird stuff like role playing games and comic books. Girls wouldn't give me the time of day and my family was too poor to afford a second car so I was stuck taking the bus. I had one best friend and a couple of people whom I considered good buddies but to everyone else I might as well have been invisible.

Except for the bullies of course. I got picked on mercilessly, made fun of, and called every name in the book. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, though, right? If I just put my time in, studied like mad, and ignored all the dickheads, I would get accepted to a prestigious college, earn my degree, and land an awesome job. Then I could go to the local burger joint and make the quarterback ask me if I wanted fries with that.

As it turns out, I did survive high school. I was accepted into a private university, had my degree after four years, and got hired at a pretty decent job right out of school. The only problem was that nothing else had changed. The few friends I had moved away and I spent my free time playing computer games online and watching anime. Women still wanted nothing to do with me and I drove a mid-sized sedan because I couldn't afford the maintenance on anything better. At work, I would pick up the slack for the office superstar because he had too much else going on in his life. By my late twenties, I had fallen into a nice, comfortable rut.

I came home from work on a Friday night and tossed my briefcase on the couch. My tie was choking me so I pulled it off. After sloughing off my loafers and draping my jacket on the back of a dining room chair, I made my way to the fridge. A microbrew sounded wonderful. I sank my teeth into a slice of cold pepperoni pizza and then booted up my computer. My guild was going to be running a raid tonight and I wasn't about to miss it. As soon as I had logged in my cell phone buzzed.

:Getting out of your dungeon tonight, little brother?: The screen flashed at me. That would be my sister, Audrey.

My thumbs flew over the virtual keyboard. :Shut it, sis.:

Several seconds later my phone buzzed again. :You're never going to get laid with that attitude.:

:I'd rather not discuss my sex life with my sister.:

:LOL. What sex life?:

I chucked my phone down on my desk in disgust. What did she know? Hell, I'd had sex before. Although…shit. When was the last time I'd actually had sex? I thought about it and realized the first and last time was at a party in college my roommate had dragged me to. Most of the night was hazy and I’m pretty sure I was suffering from a minor case of whiskey dick, but I had still managed to get lucky.

It didn’t matter, there was a raid on. A couple of mouse clicks and my dwarven berserker began slaughtering orcs with extreme prejudice.

:Ding!: I typed as I gained a level.

My guildmates responded in a chorus of :Grats!:

Nearly two hours later we'd ganked the boss orc and divvied up his loot. I rolled on a pair of enchanted boots and completed my armor set. After one last round of congratulations I logged off and shut down my computer. My phone was still where I had left it, the black screen mocking me.

Never getting laid, huh?

I slipped my loafers back on and grabbed my jacket. There was a bar nearby that some of my coworkers had talked about. What's the worst that could happen?

As soon as I walked in my senses were assaulted. Bass thudded into my chest, the disgusting stench of stale sweat mixed with flowery body spray filled my nose, and the warmth from accumulated body heat was enough for beads of perspiration to spring from my forehead. I could barely see but managed to make my way to the bar without stumbling into anyone. The bartender was flirting with a twenty-something blonde. I eventually caught his attention and he came over.

“What can I get you?” he shouted over the house music as he laid a drink napkin down in front of me. He had an eyebrow piercing and was wearing a T-shirt with skulls and roses on it.

I leaned forward so I didn’t have to yell as loudly. “Whatever amber ale you have on tap is fine.”

“No problem.” He filled a pint glass and set it down on the napkin before taking my money and going back to chat up the blonde.

Beer in hand, I surveyed the room. The dance floor took up most of the space but there were several standing tables off to the right. Most of the tables had groups of women at them but I knew better than to try and pull a mob when it had backup. Eventually I found a bored looking brunette all by herself so I walked over as coolly and casually as I could muster.

“Hi, I’m Edwin. Can I buy you another?” I gestured to her half-empty drink.

She looked me up and down. “Sure. Rum and diet cola.”

“Coming right up.”

The pounding techno beats were starting to make me sick to my stomach but I couldn’t wimp out now. I yelled at the bartender again before returning with the lady’s drink. She had been joined by a broad-shouldered guy in a leather bomber jacket.

“Am I interrupting?” I set the glass down and smiled as unthreateningly as possible.

The new guy turned towards me. He was at least half a head taller and probably fifty pounds heavier than I was. “I was just about to ask the lady to dance, so yeah, you are.”

The brunette shrugged as if to say, “Sorry,” so I just nodded and walked away.

What the hell was I thinking? This was a stupid idea.

Stupid Audrey. I couldn’t believe I took her bait. After leaving my unfinished beer at the bar, I headed outside. What had made me think I could just go to a bar and pick up a girl for a one night stand? That guy wasn’t me. That guy wasn’t me at all.

I tossed my jacket in the passenger seat of my car and started it up. I was pulling out of the parking lot when I felt a heavy thud and my head bounced off the steering wheel.

“Son of a bitch!” I whipped around and saw the muscle car that had just hit me. After throwing my car into park and putting the flashers on I stepped out to survey the damage.

The other driver was furious. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, asshole?” He was literally foaming at the mouth and a cloud of booze-breath hit me square in the face.

“I was just trying to leave, man. I think you backed into me.”

The damage wasn’t too bad. He’d smashed his taillight on my bumper, which was dented in, and we had swapped some paint. It was nothing that insurance wouldn’t pay for.

“Are you saying this was my fault?” His voice pitched up and he gestured wildly at me.

“No, I didn’t say that. We can let the insurance companies sort all that out.” I reached for my wallet so I could dig out my insurance card. “If I can just get your information-“

In retrospect, I should have realized that putting a hand in my pocket wasn’t the best idea when faced with a drunken maniac. At the time, though, I was in an unfamiliar situation and was just trying to get out of it as quickly as I could.

I felt the shot before I heard it. Pain exploded in my left bicep and radiated throughout the rest of my body like a shockwave. Bright red blood blossomed on my white dress shirt.

“You...you shot...” I stammered. My mind felt cloudy. Iron bands were wrapped around my chest making it almost impossible to breathe. Blackness started to creep into the edges of my vision.

Something inside me snapped. Deep scarlet flooded my sight and I roared like a wounded bear. I launched myself over the cars at my attacker, raining fists down on him as hard and fast as I could.

The next thing I remember was waking up in a small room with concrete walls. Wire springs dug into my back through a thin mattress and my head pounded like a bass drum. I groaned and the cot above me creaked with the weight of its occupant.

“He lives!” A bald, chocolate head popped over the edge of the top bunk. “We got a badass over here.”

“Who are you? Where am I? What the hell happened?”

“Oh, that's rich. Little man doesn't remember killing somebody.”

That got my attention. “What? No, I didn’t. Who could I have possibly killed?”

He laughed like rolling thunder. “Some poor bastard in a parking lot. The video of you doing real nasty things to him went viral on the internet.”

Did I really kill that guy? Was I even capable of killing someone? I'd been plenty angry before and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't at least thought about killing certain people at one time or another. Could I have actually gone through with it, though? I tried to think back, to remember what exactly happened after the car accident in the bar’s parking lot. But it was gone, blank, almost like there was a hole cut out of my memory. “I…I don't remember that.”

“That’s probably the drugs. They’ve had you so doped up I’d be surprised if you still remember your own name. Word is the docs were worried about having nothing between you and them but some leather straps and an IV. Once you were fully healed they threw you in Gen Pop as fast as they could.”

It was then that I noticed my bright orange clothing. “Wait. Am I in jail?”

“Shit, you don’t remember anything, do you? Like I said, they got you clear as day on video so the case was open and shut. Said you were ‘a danger to yourself and others’ so you’ve been asleep ever since then. The warden said you and I would get along real good, seeing as how we have a lot in common.” The glint in his eye as he flashed his pearly whites told me he was being honest.

As I tried to make sense of this new information there was a commotion outside the bars of my cell. The rest of the prisoners were getting restless. Something was going on.

My legs wobbled as I got up. After not using them for a while they struggled to support my weight. I managed not to fall flat on my face, at least.

“Recreation time, ladies! Get up and get moving!” The guards called out as they walked down the corridor. A loud buzzing sound preceded the cell doors sliding open.

My cellmate leapt down from his bunk. He was twice my size and knocked the wind out of me as he clapped me on the back with one hand and held the other out to me. “Name’s Clay.”

His hand was as big as a frying pan. I shook it and tried to ignore his crushing grip. “Edwin.”

“Come on, then. Yard time!”

Not knowing what else to do, I followed him out to the yard. As the afternoon sun kissed my forehead, every prison movie and television show I'd ever seen ran through my mind. I really didn’t want to have to join the white supremacists for protection. Maybe Clay could help me out and I could be the token white guy? The vatos locos were an option too; I grew up in SoCal so hablé pequeño español. As long as I didn't have to hold on to anyone's pocket or be anybody’s bitch I'd be alright.

Lifting weights sounded like a recipe for mockery and I’d never been any good at basketball, but I could at least walk around the yard. It would give me a good opportunity to look around, get my bearings, and try to figure out whom to ally myself with.

I started wandering. There were plenty of prisoners standing around, but not a single guard. That didn’t seem right, but before I could speculate about it a beach ball of a man with a swastika tattooed on his shaved head blocked my path.

“Where you going, boy?”

“Oh, just out for a stroll.” I gave him a half-smile.

He stepped forward and bumped me with his gut. “We own this yard. If you wanna use it you gotta pay the toll.”

“That seems fair. What’s the price?” I took a step back but ran up against another skinhead. I looked to the sides and saw more of them starting to surround me.

“Just your ass. And maybe that pretty mouth. Gotta do something about all those teeth, though, first.”

My arms were suddenly wrenched behind my back and a boot kicked me in the back of the legs, dropping me to my knees. The fat neo-Nazi grabbed my cheeks in his stubby fingers and squeezed. “Pucker up, sweetheart!”

I screwed my eyes shut. This shouldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening. I’d wake up in bed drenched in sweat and swear I’d never watch late night cable TV and eat polish sausage again.

“Help! Guards! Guards!!” I screamed my lungs out.

Laughter rained down on me. “The guards ain’t gonna help your kind. You gotta learn this lesson the hard way.”

I wasn’t dreaming. This was a nightmare I wouldn’t be able to wake from and the memory wouldn’t fade with the light of day. They ripped my shirt off and yanked my pants down. Sunlight shined where it normally doesn’t. I grit my teeth and braced myself.

No.

I’d be damned if I was going to be an easy target. I was tired of being the whipping boy. Everyone always thought they could do or say whatever they wanted to me and I would just have to take it. Well I wasn’t going to take it anymore.

My eyes snapped open. Crimson leaked into the edges of vision. My skin, already warmed by the sun, got even hotter. My heart pounded, pumping faster and faster, deafening me with the sound of rushing blood. Suddenly, I felt like I could bend steel. I burst free from the full nelson and slapped my hands on either side of the racist’s chubby face. As I saw red, his eyes darted back and forth as if looking for help. His skin turned the color of a nasty sunburn at my touch. He squealed like a hog being butchered as thin tendrils of acrid, black smoke curled around my fingers.

My hands burst into flame and I watched with sick pleasure as my would-be rapist’s flesh bubbled and started to cook. The underlying fat melted first causing his skin to sag and droop. White-hot flame licked his eyeballs as they sizzled and popped like bacon on a griddle. I pushed him down to the ground, stood up, and watched as the fire danced on his corpse, his mouth stuck open in an eternal wail.

The rest of the gang had begun backing away, their faces frozen in sheer terror. They weren’t getting off that easy. My fingernails dug into my palms as I balled my hands into tight fists. Fury washed over me and the flame covering my hands spread quickly up my arms and engulfed my entire body. Wreathed in crackling fire, I lifted my arms to the sky and bellowed. My primal scream was matched by a roaring wall of flame that spread outwards from my body. The searing heat blasted into the skinheads and flayed the flesh from their bones, leaving nothing more than charred and scattered viscera.

I stood in the center of the pile of smoking human wreckage, shaking from the adrenaline. As my rage subsided so did the fire. I watched in wonderment as the flames retreated from my body, leaving me naked and covered in ash. The last of the flames winked out at my hands, smoke trailing from my fingertips.

The yard was quiet and still as a graveyard. The guards had finally shown up but were standing around looking confused and seemingly wary of getting too close to me. After an eternity, Clay stepped out of the crowd and came over.

“Feel better?”

I couldn’t keep the corners of my mouth from turning up. “Much. But the rest of these pieces of shit had better not piss me off again.”

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem. You’re the boss now.” He grinned as he loosed his thunderous chuckle again.

I’m the boss now.

Yeah, that guy was definitely me.

Updated on 3/22/13